The 2013 Owner List

Here's the list of the 2013 owners, so we know who our enemies are....

• 69witSuzynWaldman - John Treadwell - Woodbridge, VA
• Acorn - Tom Horan - Long Island City, NY
• AllFlashNoCash - Dave Prince - Hopewell Junction, NY
• Bohemian Lifestyles - Josh Robbins - Gilbert, AZ
• Brewmasters - Chris Jenkins - Poughkeepsie, NY
• Chumps - Chirag Amin - Houston, TX
• Jojo - Joe Humble - Brooklyn, NY
• Krupa Troopas - Mike Krupa - Mendon, MA
• Los Barbudos - Sven Jenkins - New Paltz, NY
• Maybe I won't suck - Joe Wood - Virginia
• Mo death and taxes - Dan Slate - Poughkeepsie, NY
• Mount Gay Rum - Rob Moran and Andrew Tarkowski - Camillus, NY
• NY Metroponzians - Sean Comerford - Connecticut
• New Market Mallers - Eric Kantner - Goshen, NY
• Rivercity Catfish - Bruce Heard - California
• SONS OF PITCHES - Eric Rosin - Merrick, NY
• TROUSER TROUT - Alan Sarpy - Santa Rosa, CA
• WTFUTLEY - Joe Moore - Limerick, PA
• X-Factors - Joe Werner - Garfield Heights, OH
• a greasy B12 mullet - Bret Jenkins - Astoria, NY

Brewmasters Kill the Keg in 2012

Congratulations to the Brewmasters, and owner Chris "Cribs" Jenkins, a notorious Town of Poughkeepsie mafioso, for capturing the 2012 PicketLine Production Fantasy Baseball League championship.

The Brewmasters took over first place about 3/4 of the way through the season (I think), and were able hang on to the $1000 first place prize.  The team looked doomed after their #3 hitter, Melky Cabrera was susupended for PEDs, but that turned to the be point when the Brewmasters took off.  Led by Dustin Pedroia, Jose Reyes, and Allen Craig, the drunken squad put up points across the board, while pitchers Craig Kimbrell and Joel Peralta shut the door in the late innings.  Hiroki Kuroda, Anibal Sanchez, and Tim Hudson logged plenty of Quality Starts, while Kris Medlen gave the pitching staff an incredible late season boost.  Jenkins' shrewdest move of the year, may have been the decision to trade away Mariano Rivera, just a day before his season-ending knee injury.  This was Jenkins' second PicketLine championship (2005).  Also, a historic note.... the Brewmasters' 171 points is the lowest total ever to win the league.

In possibly the greatest pennant race in PicketLine history, which included five teams that had a legitimate shot at first place, Dave Prince and AllFlashNoCash narrowly escaped with the $400 second place prize.  Prince's success was simple to understand.... he had #1 overall pick, Miguel Cabrera.  The rest of his offense was a bunch of strikeout artists, like Dan Uggla, Chris Davis, and Mark Trumbo.  He also pulled a miracle by getting a good season out of Alex Rios!  Yadier Molina, Coco Crisp, and Elvis Andrus helped correct the incredible amount of whiffs, while A.J. Burnett and Adam Wainwright led the team in Quality Starts.  The Jonathan Papelbon / Joel Hanrahan closer duo certainly helped as well.

Chirag Amin's Chumps have now finished in 3rd place for the 3rd consecutive season.  The Chumps always compete for the top spot and this year they were led by Chase Headley (114 RBI), Joe Mauer, Corey Hart, and Josh Reddick.  Chirag's starting rotation was loaded with guys like Justin Verlander, Yovani Gallardo, Gio Gonzalez, and Stephen Strasburg.  However, the Chumps struggled at the back end of games.  J.J. Putz and Frank Francisco split the closer duties and Chirag searched all year for someone that could consistently produce Holds.

The NY Metroponzians won their first cash prize ($200) in the nine year history of the PicketLine league.  Sean Comerford's squad looked like they were going to run away with the league early on, but the dog days of summer caught up to his team of money launderers.  Edwin Encarnacion captained the NY offense, driving in 110 runs.  Adam Jones and Jason Kubel put up monster first halves, before Kubel cooled off and Jones was dealt for Johnny Cueto.  Justin Upton had a solid season, and Ben Revere chipped in 29 SBs.  Despite getting excellent seasons out of Zack Greinke, Chris Sale, and Cliff Lee, the pitching staff was doomed by their bullpen.  An early season trade for Mariano Rivera, just one day before he blew out his knee, put Sean deep in the hole.  He decided to punt the Saves category, and ultimately his lack of a closer may have doomed his season.

PicketLine rookie, Dan Slate, earned his money back by leading Fister? Just met her to a 5th place finish.  Slate talked a lot of trash to go with a team that led the PicketLine in ERA.  The five-man rotation of Felix Hernandez, Ryan Vogelsong, Jeremy Hellickson, Ian Kennedy, and of course, Doug Fister, put the offense on their backs all summer long.  Papa Grande (Jose Valverde) and Glen "the Percolator" Perkins shut the door in the 9th inning, while David Roberston racked up Holds.  Offensively, it was a struggle at times.  First round pick, Jacoby Ellsbury barely played all year due to injury.  Brandon Phillips led the team in both RBI (86) and Runs(77), and Ian Desmond led in Total Bases (257).  Slate traded for Albert Pujols for the stretch run, but it wasn't enough to put this team into first place.

And pulling the up the rear was Ken Koller's Madres squad, who infamously motherfucked anyone who plays fantasy sports.  The Madres final total of 61.5 points is the second lowest of all-time.  The worst team in PicketLine history was last year's Winning! team owned by Justin Bastinelli, who managed just 53 points!

There was great league activity this year, with the vast majority of teams making moves until the final few days.  Great season, see you next year!

The 2012 Competition

Here's the list of the 2012 owners, so we know who our enemies are....

• #DIV/0! - Josh Robbins - Gilbert, AZ
• 69witSuzynWaldman - John Treadwell - Fredericksburg, VA
• Acorn - Tom Horan - Long Island City, NY
• AllFlashNoCash - Dave Prince - Hopewell Junction, NY
• Brewmasters - Chris "Cribs" Jenkins - Poughkeepsie, NY
• CITI-REX - Eric Rosin - Merrick, NY
• Chumps - Chirag Amin - Houston, TX
• Cool Story BroStars - Tom Comerford - Unknown, NY?
• Fister? Just met her - Dan Slate - Poughkeepsie, NY
• Los Barbudos - Sven Jenkins - Poughkeepsie, NY
• Madres - Ken Koller - Los Angeles, CA
• Mount Gay Rum - Rob Moran and Andrew Tarkowski - Camillus, NY
• NY Metroponzians - Sean Comerford - Hartford, CT
• New Market Mallers - Eric Kantner - Goshen, NY
• Piece of Schmidt - Jon Crooker - Havertown, PA
• Team Werner - Joe Werner - Garfield Heights, OH
• The Fucksticks - Matt Mahoney - Gilbert, AZ
• The Planet - Bret Jenkins - Astoria, NY
• WTFUTLEY - Joe Moore - Limerick, PA
• adios pantalones - Joe Wood and T. Murphy - Unknown, VA?

Roughnecks Capture 4th PLPFBL Title

Congratulations to the Roughnecks on winning the 2011 $1000 1st place prize! Offensively, the Roughnecks were led by Lance Berkman, Ben Zobrist, Troy Tulowitzki, Nick Markakis, and Adrian Beltre, while Shaun Marcum, Madison Bumgarner, Ricky Nolasco, and John Axford anchored the pitching staff. The majority of the league must have been comatose when they allowed Greg to pick up rookie studs Brett Lowrie and Desmond Jennings to solidify his lead in the 2nd half.

In just five years of owning the Roughnecks, Greg Wozniak has now won the league four times. In 2011, Greg ran away with the title early and we were all playing for 2nd place since sometime in June. He settled for only 4th place in 2009, but still took home the old 2nd half prize of $100 that year. Greg has now collected $2600 in winnings for a $2300 net.

And guess who finished 2nd.... yep, it's everyone's favorite runner-up, Bret Jenkins. Bret tied his all-time transactions record of 560 on the season, and he needed every one of those moves to hang on to 2nd place. Joey Votto took the revolving door of scrubs that Bret assembled, put them on his back, and carried them all year. Heath Bell and Mike Adams look like the only pitchers that played a full season for Uhhh... Lucky Devil!.

Bert has now finished in 2nd place four times and 3rd place once, but has never captured ultimate fantasy glory. Bret has been an owner since the inception of the league and has never finished worse than 8th place. Bret's Uhhh... Lucky Devil! team takes home the $400 2nd place prize in 2011.

The trend continues with 3rd place. Chirag Amin's Chumps squad finished 3rd for the second year in a row and took home $300. The Chumps usually "sit on their team", much like the Commish does, and this year was no different. Chirag used only 103 transactions and relied on the season-long production of guys like Torii Hunter, Jimmy Rollins, Coco Crisp and Aramis Ramirez. Ryan Braun, Matt Wieters, Albert Pujols, and Carlos Lee also made huge contributions. Tim Lincecum, Jordan Zimmermann, Tommy Hanson, and Carlos Marmol led the pitching staff. Chirag also has a 4th place finish in his history and is a consistent top-10 finisher.

Fourth place ($200) goes to Commissioner Sven. The Duda Abides used an excellent second half surge and nearly reached second place in the season's final days. Dustin Pedroia and Brett Gardner led the team all summer, but they were never able to recover from the loss of Ike Davis to injury. Justin Verlander was the entire starting rotation, putting together one of the great pitching seasons of all time, while David Robertson and Eric O'Flaherty both dominated in middle relief roles. The Commish takes home his first prize money since 2006, when he finished in 3rd place as an absentee owner while traveling through South America. Sven has now finished in 4th place three times.

Fifth place goes to the most hated owner in the PLPFBL, Josh Robbins, and his Red Stripe and Reggae team. Josh's trading strategy has angered owners for years, and one owner in the bottom of the standings told me this year, "The only reason I'm still making moves is to try and keep Reggae out of the top five. I'm trying to take his points." Well, unfortunately for that ticked off owner, Reggae was able to jump seven points in the standings thanks to a final day that earned three QS, and edge out adios pantalones for the final $100 prize. Using a similar revolving door strategy as Lucky Devil, Reggae only had three players get over 300 at-bats with his team, Chris Young, A.J. Pierzynski, and Brandon Phillips. On the mound, Carlos Zambrano led the team with 77.2 IP. Yikes!

Draft Pick of the Year Award: David Robertson was selected with the last pick of the draft and he responded by picking up 34 Holds with a 1.08 ERA and 1.13 WHIP in 66.2 innings. Congrats to 69witSuzynWaldman for making the best draft pick of the year. Sorry, no cash for that.

Best Team Names in PLPFBL History

Finally, the post we've all been waiting for.... the Best Team Names in the History of the PLPFBL.

The team name is the most important part of fantasy sports, and these owners had it figured out for at least one season.

10. Los Presidentes (2009, finished 9th): Classic spanish name that calls to mind some of the great latin baseball players and presidents of all time, like Fidel Castro and Hugo Chavez.

9. John Rocker (2007, finished 15th): Simple idea, take one of the most controversial baseball players of our time and name your team after him. I'm not sure what's funnier about Rocker, how stupid he was, or how stupid he looked.

8. Mosquito Dickson (2006, finished 3rd): Somewhat similar to the Dahl Bhat name that made the 10 Worst list, in that only the team owner really gets it. However, Mosquito Dickson sounds like something out of a Hemingway novel, making this list.

7. Character Issues (2006, finished 13th. 2010, finished 8th.): Great use of the ESPN catch phrase of the 2000's. In those years, there wasn't a single NFL report on that station that didn't use the phrase "character issues" at some point.

6. the Ju-Co Fuck Ups (2004, finished 14th): Used an F bomb and made me laugh at those numbskulls that lose baseball scholarships because they can't get themselves into a four-year school.

5. ProChinaBuffetEaters (2004, finished 1st): Celebrating great moments in eating history.

4. Skinny Dominicans (2009, finished 12th): Hilarious and politically incorrect. Great combination. Unfortunately, he drafted all fat white guys and finished 12th.

3. PC LOAD LETTER?!?!? (2010, finished 2nd): Took one of the great moments in movie history and ran with it. Used the trash talk option to quote the movie all season. Quality work here.

2. Who is Karim Garcia? (2004, finished 15th): Could have finished as the #1 team name in most leagues. This is simply one of the great all-time baseball quotes, by Pedro Martinez.

1. 69 with Suzyn Waldman (2008 - present, finished 2nd, 18th, 18th): Treadwell wins the prize here, and might just have the best team name in the history of all fantasy sports. It is all things disturbing and hilarious, and easily grabs the #1 spot.

Congratulations to Treadwell!

What do you think? Is there anyone I omitted? Let us know!

All-Time Worst PLPFBL Team Names

Everyone knows that the most important part of fantasy sports is the name of your team.

Well, almost everyone. These owners obviously didn't put a moment of thought into the team they lived and died with all summer. And in most cases, their place in the standings reflected that.

10. Chicago Knights (2004, finished 4th): Boring. Lacking creativity. Lame. Trying too hard.

9. Bumpin' Utley's (2009-10, finished 1st and 16th): The Utley's actually won the league in their first year with this name. Just a little too weird.

8. Homos (2007, finished 20th): No thought, and strangely insulting. Even though his team was called the Homos, he failed to roster Scott Brosius or Bernie Williams.

7. PK Yankees (2005-06, finished 13th and 14th): Broke first rule about NOT naming your fantasy team after a real MLB team. Awful.

6. Dung Stove Dal-Bhat (2010, finished 7th): Creative, but only meaningful to the owner. The rest of the league is left in the dark. Are we supposed to be impressed by this over-the-top name?

5(tie). Red Sox Nation (2008, finished 12th): Simply took a term already widely used in sports and made it his own. We all know you love the Red Sox now, fantastic. Too bad this is about your fantasy team.

5(tie). Bronx Bombers (2007, finished 16th): Now we all know you're a Yankees fan. That makes it easier for us to shit talk you. You must be very proud of yourself. Enjoy your $14 beer and terrible radio announcers.

4. Mariners GM (2009-present, finished 10th and 12th): Lacking creativity. Dull. Maybe the GM stands for Grandma.

3. ClemensDieNow.com (2007, finished 7th) or ClemensRetireNow.com (2008, finished 5th): Ah, the dreaded .com team name. We all hated Clemens but couldn't we find a more creative way to say it? It wasn't even a real .com!

2. The Titanium Sporks (2010, finished 20th): Corny. Trying too hard. Sounds like something that belongs in minor league baseball, not in the prestigeous PicketLine Fantasy League.

1. Dickie Thons (2007-present, 4th, 16th, 16th, 5th): Worst team name five years running. It's unfortunate because prior to the Dickie Thons incarnation, Bjorkman had three consecutive good team names (Chet Lemon Inc, Ben Oglivie all-stars, Who is Karim Garcia?), including one of which will make Wednesday's Top 10 Best list.

Congrats Bjorkman, #1 worst PLPFBL team name all time!

Is there anyone I'm forgetting? Let us know in the comments. Don't hold back!

Roughnecks Cash Annual Check!

Thanks to an enormous final day in which Coach Wozniak benefitted from the likes of Mark Rzepcynski and Nelson Figueroa, the Roughnecks tapped that black gold to capture their 3rd PLPFBL championship in the last four years. Congrats to Greg, who has now taken home $1600 in his four seasons in the league.

Coach Bret and PC LOAD LETTER?!?!? finished a disappointing 2nd. Team PC's final tally was 205.5 points, which would have blown away the competition in any other season. The previous high in points was 192.5 by the 2008 champion Roughnecks.

Taking home the third place prize was the Chirag's Chumps. Coach Amin was the predraft favorite after drawing the "lucky" 16th position in the draft. The Chumps played well all season, but could never catch the two top dogs of 2010.

Prizes....
1st Greg Wozniak, Roughnecks, $500
2nd Bret Jenkins, PC LOAD LETTER, $300
3rd Chirag Amin, Chumps, $100