Friday, May 1, 2009

Meet the Competition

Here’s a list of the PicketLine owners for 2009. I’ve included a fact about each of us. Some of it’s true, some of it isn’t….

69 wit SusanWaldman – John Treadwell – Fredericksburg, VA
Current US title holder of “Best Fantasy Baseball Team Name” according to Yahoo.com.

Bent St Bashers – Bryan Bentley – Newburgh, NY
Bentley attended SUNY Cortland, where he majored in ‘running up the score on weak opponents’.

Brewmasters – Chris Jenkins – Poughkeepsie, NY
‘The Godfather of Poughkeepsie’

Bumpin Utley’s – Kris Gross – Chicago, IL
Kris was once roommates with Chicago Cubs legend, Sam Fuld.

CITI-REX – Eric Rosin – Merrick, NY
Rosin homered four times in a high school baseball game in 1934.

Cellar Dwellars – Ken Koller – Los Angeles, CA
There were actually three people in the white Ford Bronco on June 17, 1994, O.J. Simpson, Al Cowlings, and yes, Ken Koller.

Chumps – Chirag Amin – Houston, TX
Chirag is Terrel Owens’ touchdown celebration choreographer.

ClubhouseChckenHeads – Sean Comerford – Bristol, CT
Sean has fulfilled his lifelong dream of working for ESPN, unfortunately the job is cleaning Stuart Scott’s personal bathroom.

Dickie Thons pt III – Eric Bjorkman – Poughkeepsie, NY
Bjorkman once played all nine positions in a single NCAA game for SUNY New Paltz, and earned the save.

Honkbal Hoofdklasse – Josh Robbins – Redondo Beach, CA
Josh holds the land-speed record for attending a baseball game at each stadium in the shortest amount of days: 30 stadiums in 26 days. Thirty27.com.

inject in ass cheek! – Bret Jenkins – Napa, CA
Bret holds the Cornell University and New York Chiropractic College records for most passing yards in a single intramural football game.

Los Presidentes - Sven Jenkins – Poughkeepsie, NY
Commissioner Sven’s fantasy baseball advisors include current presidents Daniel Ortega, Hugo Chavez, Rafael Correa, and Evo Morales, as well as former Cuban Head of State, Fidel Castro.

Mariners GM – Dave Prince – Fishkill, NY
Prince eats people like you for lunch.

Mount Gay Rum – Rob Moran – Camillus, NY
Rob is the real-life inspiration for the “most interesting man in the world” commercials by Dos Equis.

Nasty Natty’s – Rick Cummings – Standish, ME
Rick is sick of the ‘porn name’ jokes. Leave the guy alone.

Roughnecks – Greg Wozniak – New Orleans, LA
Greg was taught all he knows about fantasy baseball while on a 10-day trek in the Chilean Andes.

Schweddy Balls – Jeff Drescher – ????, USA
Jeff pitched for gold medal winning Team USA in 2000.

Skinny Dominicans – Steve Curtis – Chicago, IL
Curt is a fine, upstanding young man, who treats women with the utmost respect that they deserve.

WaxOnWaxOff – Justin Ford – LaGrange Park, IL
Justin, ironically, drives a Chevy. But he doesn’t have one of those cartoons of that stupid kid pissing on the ‘Ford’ symbol. That would be weird.

X-Factors – Joe Werner – Columbus, OH
Joe is lefthanded and throws a mid-80s fastball. I thought that’s all it took to reach the major leagues.